“Our bodies align on the couch and there is only the light of the DVD display to guide our eyes. You kiss the cold slate of my neck; I whisper hot breath in your ear. My lips catch the stubble of your jaw and it’s roughness and it’s resistance and I know it’s the harshest you’ll allow yourself to be.

I wonder if you can feel my heart beating in my throat as your mouth moves against my skin. 

I find myself forgetting to consider my pulse when I feel your teeth scraping my earlobe, and my stomach lurches and the butterflies are acidic but they’re brilliant. Our cheekbones brush and my breath hitches and I’m surprised that you’re so composed. I’m suspended between the possibility of you concentrating really hard or just lacking interest when your tongue slides into my ear and I gasp.

The smell of your hair is intoxicating in a way that I can’t properly describe. It’s like I want to inhale forever so that I never have to stop breathing in your scent, but the things that you keep doing to me make it almost impossible to breathe at all. Your shirt is balled up in my fist and for the first time I realize what it’s like to need to hold on.

I hear you mumble “I love you” and my heart suddenly feels way too big to be sitting in my throat. Before I can think to do anything else I push my knee up between your legs and I feel you press your forehead against my temple and exhale. Even in the dark I know your structure so well that it seems like no time passes before my open mouth finds yours. And you’re moving against my knee and my hands are finding your sides and my heart is racing too fast to count and I’m hoping you feel the same when I hear your rough whisper once again.

“Fuck me”

And you don’t need to tell me twice. Our bodies are shifting and it’s not long before I’m lying on top of you. The blue light from the LED display is catching in your eyes and I almost want to look away so you don’t see how vulnerable I am but I realize you’re in the same place and it’s comforting in a strange way. You smile and bite your lip and I can’t help but flash a beaming smile because it’s all so ridiculous. It’s so far from the first time we’ve done this and yet this time it feels so fresh and uncharted.

I catch your bottom lip between mine and gently suck it back into my mouth before I reach between our bodies to strip us of the impeding garments. You let out a sort of moan when my fingers brush your erection and I become grateful for the darkness when I feel my cheeks flush. Your nose nuzzles the side of mine and I can tell you’re trying to encourage me, not that I need to be encouraged. By the time I’m pressing inside of you you’re pressing back and I’m remembering what it’s like to breathe and it all seems a bit easier from there. It takes a few moments for our bodies to align like they had before, but when they do it’s magnificent and familiar and perfect. I can feel you smiling against my lips as we rock in a continuous motion and then you’re gasping and everything’s a bit too hot to be comfortable and there’s sweat between our chests and I’m tensing up and you’re responding and you’re coming and I’m coming and we’re whimpering slightly and then it’s over and we can’t do anything but allow the couch to hold us while we hold each other. And the butterflies may be acidic but they’re brilliant.“ 

He makes entire body tick. With every fluttered eyelash or staggered breath or gentle touch of fingertips against my palm I’m throbbing like my heart is in my throat and it’s choking me and there’s too much blood in my toes and not enough in my head and my stomach is doing flips like a fucking acrobat. And it feels amazing in this indescribable and perfect way. We can sprawl out on the carpet of his living room wrapped in blankets and each other and feel the sides of our feet on each other and we are static, just like he said. We’re static because no matter what gets in the way there’s nothing that can break what’s there, what has been there and what always will be, and we’re static because whenever his bare skin touches mine it’s like electricity and every single nerve in my body is on edge. He makes me realize what it’s like to breathe and understand how it feels to feel. He’s nothing and he’s everything and we’re identically opposite.